Assertiveness does not equal excellent care…..

*ASSERTIVENESS does not equal EXCELLENT CARE (unfortunately)*

I know I often talk about consent and assertiveness and no one being able to do anything to you without your consent. And that very much implies that if you KNOW what you want, and you say no at the appropriate times, you will be able to access the care that you need, opt out of the stuff that you don’t feel is right for you, or avoid unwanted intervention.

IF ONLY IT WERE THAT EASY.

It is NOT your fault if ‘knowing what you want’ is not enough to shape your experience. It is NOT your fault if your assertiveness is not enough to ward off a difficult interaction with HCPs. Shaping your experience is a hugely complex process and it is NOT simply YOUR actions that shape it, even if you have an excellent plan/list of preferences.

Essentially, it’s the system of maternity care and the individuals practicing within the larger system shaping it, while looking at the clinical attributes of your individual situation. There is often (not always) little time for individualised care, especially individualised care that is outside guideline.

✔️ It is not your fault if you felt unable to say no or opt into a specific choice because you were made afraid that it was entirely unsafe.

✔️ it is not your fault if there was no awareness of your birth preferences or prioritising of your plans, perhaps because there was no space for communication.

✔️ it is not your fault if you felt so unable to connect to your caregivers on a personal level that you could not communicate clearly.

✔️ it is not your fault that you felt intimidated by ‘medical experts’ who pulled the ‘I know better’ card.

✔️ it is not your fault that you were in your primal brain already during labour, unable to stand up for why you needed.

✔️ it is not your partners fault if they were not able to be incredibly assertive to get you what you wanted.

✔️ it is not your fault if things were presented as ‘not optional’, even if you KNEW they were optional.

The onus really should be on US as HCPs to find out what is important to you, what your optimal scenarios are, what is acceptable to you in certain circumstances and what is non negotiably unacceptable to you, always. This is our job.

Yes, assertiveness and good communication is helpful from the person accessing care, but YOU SHOULD NOT BE REQUIRED TO HAVE A DEGREE IN CONFLICT RESOLUTION TO NAVIGATE YOUR CARE TO YOUR SATISFACTION 🤯

So, please KNOW that it is not a failure on your part, but a failure of the system at large to protect your needs ♥️ (and that needs changing as a matter of urgency!) www.debsneigerindependentmidwife.co.uk Original image by David Shrigley