Losing your shit with a new baby 😩

This is an incredibly taboo issue.

But it is common. And NO, it is normally not a safeguarding concern.

I feel so SO lucky that I usually have a trusting enough relationship with clients that they feel able to ask me stuff that they might not ask other people.

And the subject of anger comes up ALL. THE. TIME.

‘I sometimes feel so angry at my baby…..in the middle of the night, when I have been feeding them, changed them and I’m just SO tired……I just feel ready to explode.

I can completely see why people snap sometimes now that I have my own baby. Is that normal?

Do others feel like this??’

Yes. YES, they do.

Is it a pretty emotion? No. Is it sometimes scary? Yes.

Having to care for a tiny, helpless creature that needs care and attention around the clock, while sleep deprived, while healing from birth, potentially post operation is a complete and utter head**** sometimes. I mean, babies are incredibly unreasonable sometimes 😬

It brings up every emotion under the sun.

There is love, joy, satisfaction and pride, but there is also frustration, fear, overwhelm and anger.

This is normal. Add to that the lack of support generally for people postnatally, the assumption that we are simply going to crack on with parenthood and breastfeeding and nighttime parenting and matrescence and physical healing and psychological adjustments while also keeping up with life in general and potentially other children……and we have ourselves a deep dank muddle of postnatal feelings.

So, if anger and rage are so normal, common or to be expected, how can we keep that anger at levels that is controllable?

1. Don’t stay quiet about it. Tell a trusted person that this is happening. TALK ABOUT IT.

2. Ask for help, from your partner, your family, your friends, your trusted HCPs.

3. Find your triggers. And try to anticipate/avoid/ease whatever triggers you.

4. Know when to walk away. If you are angry with your tiny one……put them down somewhere safely, and walk away. Scream, punch a pillow, put on some loud music, cry, do whatever relieves the tension. Go find help if someone is around. Wake your partner.

5. Have a proactive plan in place. When those feelings come, you won’t have much capacity to think carefully what to do next, so have a little sequence of events that you can do. Example: 10 DEEP breaths, Put on Rage against the Machine, dance around madly for a little bit. 10 more deep breaths. Call friend.

6. Know when to get help. Sometimes the negative feelings for your little one are not fleeting/temporary and occasional, but overwhelming and frequent. And then, you would really benefit from some help with this to keep you and your small one safe.

I really wish that anger was not such a taboo thing, everything is less dark and heavy when we talk about it ♥️