🌞Children at Births🌞
For most people who are planning a homebirth and already have children, the question of what to do for childcare or whether to have children present for birth or not is a big part of birth planning.
For some, this is a total no brainer, and they want their children out of the house for birth, either to feel settled themselves, or as they feel the child would not cope well. All good.
I would however suggest doing some of the below ways of preparation even when not planning on child presence, as sometimes birth can sneak up on you, and childcare can fall through! And a prepared child is a happier child usually ♥️
For some, the decision is clearer, and they have the desire to have the child(ren) there for the birth of their sibling, for many different reasons. Peace of mind, reluctance let them go into childcare, lack of childcare, wanting to cement the bond between siblings, and simply considering birth a positive, beautiful, normal event, that can have an amazing impact on children when witnessed in a supported way ☺️
As a midwife I have seen all ages of children attend birth, under ones, toddlers, preschoolers, school children and teens, all have dealt with birth differently, and none have been traumatised by the events they witnessed. Most have gained something wonderful, and sometimes the experience is one hugely cherished. If I have witnessed upset, it has normally been due to being woken at an unusual time of night, with an unusual event occurring in the house, rather than birth itself. Some interesting resources here:
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/563475/ https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/0091218285900412 https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26669891/
However there are a few things to consider when birthing with children present (this list is not exhaustive 😂):
-Talk about birth, look at pictures, watch videos, maybe start with fairly vague birthy videos, with no unusual noises and blood, and build up to more graphic birth. Talk about it, again. Different age groups obviously need different things. I remember siblings being MORE excited about seeing their mother poop in the pool than the baby. I have also seen curious teens ask amazing questions: ‘Errrrrrrr, is your vagina like, REALLY big now??’ (Asked several minutes after birth 😬)
-There are some lovely story books about homebirth, my fave is ‘Hello Baby’ by Jenni Overend ♥️
-Practice the noises of birth. This can be fun, and roaring at each other to pretend pushing a baby out can be hilarious for kids.
-Explain that mama (insert appropriate person) will be working really hard, and sometimes when we do hard work, we make noise (pretend lifting up a heavy thing while grunting loudly). When there is noise in birth, you can refer back to this: ‘Can you hear what HARD work this is?’
-Give out jobs to older kids. Helping with the pool for example, being responsible to refill the hot water for perineal compresses, or delivering snacks……when my four year old son was present for his sisters birth, his job was to provide snacks. He woke up in the midst of a RAPID labour, and I was WELL past fancying snacks, but he took his job VERY seriously. I believe I managed some smoothie 😂😂 They are also excellent at getting involved with cutting the cord, examining the placenta, and personally, I sometimes give matching bracelets to the cord ties to siblings ♥️
-Have a support person simply *for the child(ren)*. Birth can be intense, and sometimes overwhelming. Children MUST be able to remove themselves from the situation if they feel they need to. For older children, they may be fine to do this by themselves, but also be aware that sometimes emergencies occur and someone needs to stay with the kids after transfer to hospital. Occasionally waiting for childcare to arrive is not appropriate.
-Have a plan for activities. Preferable ones that can be done relatively independently. Birth is sometimes LONG. And boring when you are, say, 4 years old. At any age really. Magazines, a new toy, a downloaded movie list, audiobooks, sticker books, special snacks can go a long way. Some people gift wrap those special toys/magazines/snacks……which can make it extra special and exciting. Buy nothing that adds mess, such as crafting activities with lots of wet paints, glitter or anything that requires lots of engagement and assistance 😂😂😂 (for obvious reasons, but of course the extra support person may be able to help) There are lots of creative things you can do to make the experience good for your little (or not so little ones) and you are the best judge of what that might be for your particular child(ren).
-Be prepared that you may feel differently on the day. You may need your child(ren) with you when you had planned not to, OR you may decide that you need to have some space from them. THAT IS OK. The most common reason I have seen people change their minds is because in the midst of labour, the birthing person felt they could NOT surrender to birthing when a child was present. They could not get to labour land, and fully let themselves go, while still feeling marginally responsible for the child present. Often labour would FINALLY kick into gear when children have gone to bed, or when the child has popped out to go for a walk or to go to a friends house.
So it’s definitely not right for everyone, every child and every birth to have a child present, but planning to have children present if a perfectly reasonable thing to do, and no, you won’t traumatise them for life with a little bit of preparation.
After all, birth is just life ♥️♥️ Do you have anything to add to this? Any more ideas and tips for people planning to have children at their births?
Oh, as a side note. If your baby is bringing a gift to the older child, and this gift entails batteries, PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU HAVE SUITABLE BATTERIES IN THE HOUSE, so your partner doesn’t have to drive to the 24 hour garage while you wait for the placenta to get said batteries. Ask me how I know 🥴🥴🥴 (Picture is my son at his sister’s birth. He was 4 then, he was 18 yesterday 🥰)