Fear is a funny old thing…..

Fear is a funny old thing.

We all have it (unless we have some sort of interesting wiring in our brains), some more than others, we don’t usually want it, we try to fight it and we give it a very bad name, even and especially when it comes to birth.

We have been so conditioned to fear birth, culturally, that in some ways we are unhelpfully denying the usefulness of it.

In many birthworker circles much of the focus of birth prep is on eliminating fear. On switching it off. And on trusting the process of birth without fear.

I’m personally not so sure that is always helpful or doable though. Pregnancy, birth and parenthood comes with certain physical emotional and spiritual vulnerabilities which can be terrifying for some. I truly feel that some amount of fear is normal, appropriate, evolutionary, and often useful. Being alert to the possibility of something going tits up makes us trust our gut when we need to take action..

When is fear not helpful, normal or appropriate?

I think when it overwhelms us, when it stops us from doing the things we would REALLY like to do, when it limits our potential and when we are struggling to integrate it into our normal lives.

This is when relaxation/therapeutic intervention can be helpful and necessary.

But when the normal appropriate fears surface in pregnancy, about motherhood, losing oneself, birth, loss of control, change of relationships etc etc, fighting against those feelings might not be the best thing to do.

Facing those fears, talking through them, making preparations for support and plans to address worst case scenarios, finding a trusted person to talk about those issues and being honest with oneself about what feels scary is really important.

Once that is done, the fear might well feel much less acute, and if it doesn’t, asking for help is perfectly ok and appropriate. We don't all have to be fearless warriors.

And fear can be the driver for education……which in turn can help to quieten the mind a LOT. But it is ABSOLUTELY ok to be scared. Let’s not deny our vulnerable sides ❤️

illustration @eleniaberetta